So the idea is that there would be a blog that would have nothing but letters people write to the Mars guys. Considering they’re on break at the moment it’s a perfect time to think about what they mean to you and put it all in one letter.
Some of them could definitely be anonymous if decided and they could be ‘boring’ to the stereotypical dark past letter like mine. The thing is, when I wrote my letters to the guys, it was really very therapeutic for me to do that. Just to get my thoughts down in words.
I think eventually what I would want to do is — those that would request it — the next time they go on tour I would save my money for another Meet and Greet and print out the letters of those that can’t afford to get their letters to the guys and give the guys these letters.
Or we could try to get them to look at this blog. Either one works just pleasantly.
As I sit here watching the cursor blink, trying to formulate words that would make sense, I can only come to one conclusion. There aren’t enough words to explain how I feel about MARS. All I can say is that 2011, was probably the best year of my entire existence and it’s all because of Jared, Tomo, Shannon and the Echelon. I’ve shared some of the best moments of my life with them and I’ve met pretty spectacular people along the way. At the end of the day, all I want to say is THANK YOU. In all my years on this planet, I’ve never felt the happiest as I do now. I can remember the exact moment where everything changed. It was at the Mars 300 show on December 7th, during This Is War right before Tomo’s solo. Everything came to a stand still in my eyes and at that moment tears of joy slowly made their way form my eyes to my cheeks. I had an out of body experience, I blacked out. All I remember is snapping out of it and saying to myself; IVE NEVER BEEN THIS HAPPY. I can’t believe I was lucky enough to participate in this world breaking evening. It means everything to me. I cannot wait to continue this amazing experience with the boys and live new and exciting adventures. Until we meet again
It’s been about 9 months since I wrote this and since that concert at Lake Tahoe my life has changed for the better. I’m back home with my parents and I actually get along with them better now that they are now more willing to be my parents as well as treating me as a fellow adult whose dreams are much different than theirs. I hope one day to hand this letter to the guys the next time they go on tour and fill them in on how far I’ve gotten ever since that day. I am thankful every day for that changing moment even though they didn’t even try to make even the slightest difference for my life. I owe it all to them.
Dear Jared, Shannon, and Tomo,
You have no idea who I am nor do I expect you to know. All I ask is for you to take 10 minutes of your precious time to read this letter because I have poured years of my emotions into this. And I basically just wanted to thank you. Let me tell you why. It’s a long story, so bear with me.
When I was born, I was supposed to die due to the syndrome I was born with called Beckwith-Wiedamann Syndrome which means that one of the main symptoms of this syndrome was that my intestines were out of my body and in my umbilical chord. Thanks to the technology of 1991, I was able to have surgery immediately after I was born. I have a fake bellybutton to prove it. My mom was told that the other symptoms of the syndrome were I could quite possibly be mentally challenged and have cancer a little bit down the road.
After taking me home and loving me for a few days, those tow other symptoms were what made her decision. I was placed in a box and put in a dumpster. My crying woke up a homeless man sleeping nearby and I was saved. A few months later I was adopted into the family I currently live with now. I didn’t know it then, but I was in for the trip of my life.
When I was 7, I was diagnosed with cancer in my liver. It wasn’t much, but it was still there. After treatment that seemed to be too much for a 7 year old, the cancer was gone. I wasn’t mentally challenge like my birth mother feared. I was completely normal. I would live a fine life … or so I thought.
My 8th birthday came around and my favorite Uncle came to my house to babysit. I was so excited to spend time with him on my birthday. To make a long story short, he sexually assaulted me and raped me. And he did it on multiple occasions. I have been forever scarred for life because of that man. And because of him, I hadn’t been very accepting of physical affection for a 10 year span. It was only 2 years ago that I started to try hugs again. But I never fully recovered from all the times that I should have died. I felt like someone was trying to kill me. So…I tried to help them.
Two years ago, I was supposed to be rather successful in killing myself. 20 pills swallowed and nothing happened to me. I didn’t understand why. Doctors told me I was supposed to be dead from the combination of pills I had taken, but I was still here. Still alive. And ever since I’ve been trying to figure out why and how I was still alive. I couldn’t figure it out. I tried to identify it with Christianity, considering that’s what I grew up with. I believed that for a year until I was losing faith in the Church itself. Especially when I had no one to talk to there. No one even cared. I didn’t seem to fit in.
I’ve hated organized religion ever since she was let go for that particular reason of not fitting in. And because of that, I lost faith in not just the church or God, but I lost faith in people as a whole. And — unfortunately — I lost faith in myself. And thoughts of suicide came back to me a few months ago.
My adopted parents were not the parents they should have been. Every second of my life with them has made me felt worthless and all of my life I never fit in. I tried, but could never do it. They never said they loved me. They never hugged me. Nothing. I was just there. To help them with their annual taxs returns. That’s all I was good for.
Eventually I would do something for myself and I went to a Mars concert in Champaign, Illinois in 2011. I didn’t know much about you when I went, but I naturally did my research on you so I wouldn’t go entirely ignorant of who I was about to see live.
The concert was a blast and it was like nothing I had ever experienced before. It was actually during the point that Shannon was playing L490 that I actually started to think about things. I needed to know more about this group of guys. Not just as a musical group, but as people. Individual people. Each one of them different and most definitely important. Not one more important than the other.
I would love nothing more than to sit in a locked room with you and talk about life and things that you’re passionate about. People may call me obsessed, but I see myself as a person that cares dearly about you guys, even though you and I have never even met. Your passion for life has gained my highest respect and I thank you for that.
Being able to hand you this letter mean more to me than everything important in my life. So much that when I expressed my desire to hand you this letter, the Echelon bound together and bought me this Golden Ticket to meet you. They bound together and got me the plane ticket to fly all the way from Michigan to Nevada just to hand you this letter to tell you what you mean to me.
I’m writing this a week after I told my adopted parents that I’m going to this concert. I am jobless. I have hardly any money to my name. I owe them a little bit of money. But, regardless of the fact that I have this trip paid for in full, my parents told me that if I go to this concert, I will not be welcomed to live in that house anymore.
So, as you read this, I am officially homeless and jobless with nothing to my name. And I regret nothing. I’m happier than I have ever been living like a prisoner in that house. I just want to thank you for the freedom that this particular opportunity has given me. So please give me this opportunity to tell you what each of you mean to me.
Jared — Thank you for being you and sacrificing practically everything for your fans. I’m so thankful for you and hope that life continues to treat you well. You handle the paparazzi like anyone should and even then you’re still not afraid to be yourself. You are my role model in that way. Also, as strange as it may seem, I really truly love everything you say. It’s inspiring and your words always seem to come to me at the right moment. Thank you. You made a tweet on the 5th of August in 2011 (very recently, of course) and it was you responding to a fan [Yes “@EmilyDead: @jaredleto Do you read letters from fans ?!”]. I had been worried to the point that I was losing sleep that even writing this letter that you guys would even think about reading this. Now I know you did and it means more to me than you know. I will do my best to ‘follow fear not into darkness but lead it into light.’ Thank you.
Tomo — You are my spirit animal. I love your humor and everything about you is what I want to be as a person. You’re caring, yet stern. You’re like the father I never had without having to be there for me. I wish you the best life that could ever be had. Vicki’s a very lucky woman to have you. I hope you realize that. Also, thank you for living your dream so that I can keep in mind that my dreams can be fullfilled as yours was by taking a risk. I know what I’m doing is probably the least thought through thing I have ever done and that’s definitely not my normal route for doing things. Ever. But this experience has showed me how much of a family the Echelon can really be and you having done that to begin with gave me strength to go through with it. Thank you.
Shannon — Oh, Shannon. I’d have to say you’re the one that helped me the most. You are such an inspiration, I can’t even begin to describe how much you mean to me. L490 has saved my life on multiple occasions. And, as I’m writing this, I have that song on repeat. I’ve had it on repeat for almost a week straight now. I think the fact that it has no lyrics is what makes it the most powerful song recorded. It means something different to me every single day. It speaks to me no matter what mood I’m in. You, sir, have changed my life in more ways than one. Every quote I have seen said by you helps me get through some of my darkest of times. The way you love your family — biological and your fans — means more to me than you can imagine. Having not felt the love a family should have for the majority of my life, the Echelon have helped me realize that a family can be good and it most definitely doesn’t have to be biological. I can feel wanted and loved. It’s such a great feeling. Thank you for being you and thank you for being my inspiration. Thank you.
Thank you for changing my life and helping me live my dream.
Peace, Love and Mars,
We Are One